1. |
Crawl Space
03:47
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Collapse/collect
-sleep/repeat
relapse/destruct
hydrate/deplete
return/rebound
respect/defeat
create/destroy
descend/descend
create/revamp
ascend/upend
deluxe/demand
get praise/achieve
return/to mind
accrue/some time
create/destroy
descend/descend
return/unwound
turn off the lights
reflect/the change
and turn the tide
with time/with help
an end/avoids
the need/of ends
devoid of time
a nap/a walk
command your day
ascend/descent
and walk away
pretend/protect
unhand/unmask
rewind/your day
just stay inside
I've been on the carpet
I've been on the bare floor
hibernate my concern
for everyone I care for
primal head space
took me for a blind date
had the lobster, pasta, shrimp and steak
trays of figs and dates
hey it pays to wait
scrape the pain away
taste is something I
took for granted, reprimanded
hate but late is better than your never denim
headed thick and apple scented
hallows eve is even
hollow beasts they're feeding Steven
wicker man
head of son of sam
with a bitter plan
mix the bitters in
til the bitter end
tears still taste better than
blood couplets
toss the critters in
pan fried til the man dies
or his credit card helps
take the lambs life
to the center of the splinters eye
truly run the credits by
here is my side
oh nevermind
well never my mind
time is cringing
lost and soft within it
lofty ambition
head spinning cataract cloud
holler back till
the bones pulled from my hollow back
louder crack ouch
how about now?
neosporin wash the cut out
fist hurts mouth
head thorn crown
what'll I wear
with the color of my own shroud?
men catapult towards the news of the day
but their feeble attempts of commentary escape
I was never gonna be the center of my own universe
never gonna feel at home in a size smaller shirt
heaven only knows me by my baby pictures anyway
grinning with a gritted set of teeth and move my tongue away
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2. |
The Box in a Valise
03:01
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-Great talk the batters in the box
ask him bout Basquiat
for you I'd sell my socks
my soul my whole well being
my cheat code my credo
my needless words and bells and curves
let's sweat these stitches out
visions tampers with my dreams
lean in seem thin and pewter
lids will part lips will pout
let's make sad sounds like we hear around
let's speak our names and forget the nouns
let's have a toast for those still around
smoke in the air like my daddy's soul
I only write these words that I think I know
and when I put the pieces in a fold out letter
but the coffins there and I should be better
but the feelings always and the feelings never
and i'm not surprised but I'm not that clever
to be honest I would never see a ghost
and sometimes that hurts
but that's the way it goes
only wear 3 shirts
that's the way it goes
I only wear my wallet in the back pocket of my slacks
and when I'm talking slacks I'm probly meaning jeans
I seem to get caught up on unimportant things
Mind won't stay still for 5 minutes
won't let me finish
people always say things better than I do
have to learn cope it's my sense of survival
throat feels scratchy heads full of mirrors
have to play pretend about a caring appearance
but I feel that my thoughts are very clear and apparent
and the ones who were close are the ones disappearing
not by their hand
mines full of scarves
a rabbit once lived in my arms
now it sings sad songs in a bar
basic til the day that I choose to live
aint there something I was sposed to write
I know I owe a few tracks to some folks
who probly think I died
you brought me back to life
but on the other side
I'm only half alive
and then the other half of me
probably needs or deserves you
my mind is not all dark
it just needs a curfew
greeting cards are fine but I'm needing to work through
day to day breakfast and lunch in my purview
off white perception and color of daylight
All of it orange in its aura by night time
Creeping upon me these splinters in my mind
Need to be pulled from their havens in sight lines
I felt some lasting hope dissolve into a bag of bones
faster than fate foretold
am I lazier than I know
The prickling skin I hold is sweating stitches in the cold
it's faded in ways unknown
amazingly It's my own
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3. |
||||
I don't want to leave you on the shore of this day dream obelisk
black sand cropping up and tides turn ominous
death dressed in moon beams mistakes me for a part of this
i painted all my skin with the wind for this partnership
sober when slobbering, convulsive and bothersome
my blood steeps in cardamom
pods in a spacecraft deny my escape route
when time pass
and burrow in the belly of a beast sleep in tall grass a dry laugh
crack on the back of your head
you were not dreaming again
or reading a book from the end
to finish upending the sentence that lead
apricot, lemon wedge, pack of pall malls in the sheets of your bed
denying your ghost by staying the host
or demon instead
or having nobody
having nobody
having nobody
and to me you are all the same
all the same
paper lights in the chest of a paper mache
hollow man who portrays
life without change or upgrades
pausing the seconds in sync
with music that pauses the same
to see what you've missed
I'm dying to live in the pauses you've skipped
lying in water so warm as you bathe
sorting through clothes to give to donation
I've been avoiding you
I've been avoiding thoughts and the prayers
donated from others
I've been avoiding you
hiding in plain sight
sight for the blind can't cope without music
or else I might lose it
help me with days in
can't spend no days in
quiet is music
I wasn't laughing or singing
I'm without music
hiding these remnants
little that remains
much in the way of the clutter
happy to sleep in
so much for others
little that remains
all of it detained
happy to talk now
I've been avoiding it
I've been a bastard
Sometimes a poet
find me in sweaters
never in robes
always in pj's
tie up my belt when I look indisposed
happy to stay in
never to go
you look incredible though
thank you I thought that myself
needed to tag you in photos
I wish you wouldn't
sorry i couldn't
stay for the whole thing
I was avoiding
bruises that remain
temperature rise to the top once again
Can't stand toe to toe with sympathy
truth don't run away from cowardice
beat it in your brains with your clenched fists
you'll probably stay the same unless you find your own way out of this
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4. |
Messages
02:36
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Brilliant flashes and distractions all around me
hope lose focus. front doors open
and the coast don't sweep neath teeth when they broken
and the floorboards need swept neath rugs
crying to a christ when you need hugs
sit still moping
stand up pace around will somebody feed us
throw up hoping that you wake up
frozen is the cake from the last choked up
birthday you woke up
face stuck
frozen as the past that you made of
smoke in the air
no chance to repair
or inhale
just let go
it's a fist to the bone
where it broke and the cast
just reminds you of hope
but no growth ever happens
and your leg starts to limp
and the fracture is stiff
in the rain and the wind
and a terror as real as mortality
creeps
and I try to walk home but I'm swept from my feet
I don't like to write to these beats
just make em stack em up hoard em
keep em safe store em
blank spots and boredom
hate em deeper praise the speakers
trace my fingers on the monitor
to think about what could have been
I should have said it different
but time is thin
I wish I had some different skin
thicker or just quicker when it mattered
stuck to painting but the difference is
speaking demon and my legs are leaving
while I'm standing still
split in 3 segments while I'm waiting
for my death to build
dirt mounds near my town
hold it up shut it down
need to get these words out
my mouth is echoing to my ears
only days i can hear
are only days that I have peers
i won't accept your compliments
but they will make my bones strong
just like all these fractures do
I wish I had you
ghosts upon the shelf
hibernate in picture frames
ghosts that walk the halls
fold the light like paper cranes
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5. |
Sunset as Wallpaper
02:13
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All hail this drowning prince
who holds weight with words
like sinking ships
and praise high when raised the mighty fist
that turns rocks to dust and grains to grist
on eaves as dark and mellow headed
while speeding life through x-men bedding
a toothless gap while snow fell sledding
began a fear of branched beheadings
with clothes all wet and stood there trembling
frosting crystals beheld a semblance
of chilling fright of morning light
stood checking pulses to leave time ending
and weaving fingers symmetrical
through mirrors made acceptable
by baggy clothes and ways with words
but with hands that write illegible
-paces up and down my sidewalk
outlined in chalk and smudged as I walk
stupified petrified high beams blind
inside a private highway
side step harms way by hibernating
all while standing still and phasing
in and out dimensions not perfect
but sometimes distant
stared a hissing mouth before I fell
prepared to greet hounds of hell
I wasn't ready for the tidal swell
but felt right at home beneath
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6. |
Geode
03:05
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Disappointed missing sleep and stuck within the sheets
all knotted up to tear the covers off my silhouette
I'm usually dispensing apparitions to my inner self
and teasing mimicry before the visions set
the stars I view before I set myself to sea can be no
guiding beacon treasure which i have not captured yet
tradition is a fatal flaw which locks itself and bears it's teeth
to clamp without the hindrance it's free of regret
setting you down
hope that you make it back home with an eye in your palm
stabbing at nothing
all that you show are your bones
i meant to say teeth
brushing between
forgetting the steps that you took while alone
and turning around
and dreams of the sea
and burning the bridges you crossed with your feet
spoken in tones that you use with your family
meant to say home but it's left you uneasy
speak in your sleep and it's bleeding on through
we distinguish ourselves with a morning between us
I wish a thousand nights to make the next day seem alright
but I've awakened ghosts who left their pillows drenched in morning light
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7. |
Allegheny Wake
02:58
|
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My dreams of heated honey spiced
and mulled groomed and spiked entombed
a quarter past a night time moon
lie high in grass and skirting backwards
upon a matted cloak of beards
adults in clothes and smiling shields
their faces change while smiles smear
like cobwebbed cotton candy
fields which bore a house of boards and nails
and sanctum shrined in gilded glamour
filling buckets watered sand
or filling holes like gods and hammers
breathing shallow every night
and waking dreaming waking life
perpetual from stress and grief
that man is only flesh and teeth
praise high our clothes and sacred meats
speak decent scraped and creased
leaves speechless bathed in heat
streets sinking paved in feet and fear
grief's preaching I'm all ears
he's reaching beasts in bodies
fevers drenched while taken from me
and I can't save you all I'm sorry
I was made by accident in 81
the summer heat devoured color reaching out it's palms and thumbs
and stifled growth and smothered Steven carving features soon
to spring uneven traits and tendencies that weave themselves inside of me
I should have stopped it there but futures not to be divined
and prescient moments are impressions nothing more should be defined
a bit of honesty and hubris mixed together intertwined
to make a sour bitter blend of boyhood postered in the mind
We made our shelter smoothing sandbars in the deepest portions
lakes and oceans standing taller than the depths forecast our fortunes
building bodies muddled nests and language barricades our reef
through thoughts and angst and eyes in sockets
souls and bodies lost in pockets
grabbing your attention flailing arms into the distance bargains
to be better friendships struggle still can't just forget you brother
speak to me like i can't comprehend you
cause honestly I can't
It's not because I never tried
it's because I never had the chance
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8. |
The Unmasking
03:24
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These old men will break your heart
With silent, western walls
A startled flock of birds
That circle near this plot of earth
The darkness wakes the dust
And stirs the laughter of hyenas
A pocket watch
Thought gold
But now a blue and green patina
Letters written
Pages bursting
Buried under feet and stones
A modicum of guilt
A pinch of salt
An angled shirt with bones
What happens to the stuff
That used to occupy the air?
On days where pregnant clouds
Would shrug expectancy and form
And I write in different styles
But the language stays the same
The night drives different miles
And the mourning takes the blame
I took the reigns at the beginning
Begging someone else to steer
Into abyss in hopes some lightning might
Illuminate the path
A fear of growing into skin
With slits as eyeholes
Slate and grey
That harken stoic easygoing
Signals
Un afraid or lacking wisdom
Perfect to display a visage
Not easy to maintain
The mission
Skips until repeats
A perfect symphony of heartbreak
I never tried to, like
Umm… I don’t know…
Bend the will of destiny
Or display all the best of me
It’s more like just what’s left of me
Like, here just take the rest of me
Not easy to maintain
Pluck my eyes before you stroke my hair
A hand needs held
don’t break the chain
They never read the pain as textbook navy blue or ashen grey
-He was fine before he came ok
Ok I never heard the Punchline landing blows how many struck a nerve that wasn’t tapped
On a shore of blank ripples that match
The tiles in the kitchen
Ripped up and cracked
Thrown in the trunk
Crashed in the valley/sinking downward
Fire burning paints the setting sun
Apologies like fine
horse hairs in a brush
Only significant if you can
see em in a bunch
In a row
Seated side by side
Our image shifts
Slides of pastels
Books of recipes and lists
Not even counting all the times
I made a wish
Stars that crashed into the depths
Keeps on passing me by
And everyone who asks in passing I’ll always say fine
I’ll deviate one day for certain but it always takes time
It’s not my friend and I’ve drawn targets on it blacked out it’s eyes
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9. |
Divisions of Time
03:38
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The tattoo would switch reasons under dreamers eyes
In a hush that caused static while the speaker sighed
I’m alive today he croaks in baritone
Left alone chipping teeth like spines sliding in and out of bone
Pop the socket in place
Don’t want to show the muscle leading to the tables edge a nicely balanced flowered vase
Is the room perhaps a bit drafty in the night?
Can you see the cars parked with snow that piles up outside?
Open up a bit
See what people say
Sprout gold plated wings
Ain’t no feathers that can hold the weight
Speed it up a bit
Rewrite till you break your back
Open up a vein
They’ll just skip the f-ing track
-Sometimes you want that static when
You flip the channels
And think in abstract language painting backdrops
Celery green walls with red lantern focal points
A scene of cold air where steam trails the blacktops
Figures play in fields of vision
Oblivious yet purposeful
And bend the purple light replete
With yellow brimming bursting glow
I’ve skewed the chain link brought in front
And managed to obscure and blur
It’s presence set before me meets
The stretch of my peripheral
But gimme a moment…
Who am I again?
Let’s retrace my path like
Silhouetted dance steps
Shoulder glancing distance
Empath
Misprint
It’s a eulogy
For lost keys
With teeth so crooked
Spent the morning
In the lock up to my shoulder blade
And plastic bags of lunches
Hung from wrists and salutary waves
Could write a thousand words on how compassion made my choices bend
But truth is that there’s little smears of guilt that drip beneath my pen
My wrist is smudged
Hope tomorrow brings another bridge to burn
The weather’s looking promising
But sometimes promise
is a back stabbing pain
your own blade
It don’t get sheathed
It just stays
I’ve got this… fear of success that I’ve drawn the face of failure on
Poor art restoration
Neck beard Christ
Pocket incarnation
Cans of laughter filled with pencils
My image crosses arms
But look down to fingers crossed
Beneath black ties and cracked utensils
If these songs could fill a weighted blanket
Space where nothing lays
Asleep on foam for cushion
Spine that’s never straight
Caffeine headache
Coffee maker broken
Rip the teabag open in the room temp
Dump it out
And watch the tea leaves line the sink
With a wrinkle in my scalp
Where’s my audience?
Wear a nice color
With a mind that knows no peace
Wear a feeding tube
Lose some sizes in your jeans
Lost incisors and your teeth
Lost recipes for foods we’ll never eat
Closed eyes that never sleep
There’s a processing fee
And a fee to not process
It’s a layaway plan
With bed springs flatter than the
Wear in the carpet
Knees with no cartilage
Stacks of books sacrificed for the harvest
Dry wood and burned authors
Broken steps means failed sponsors
I stroked his hair with semi open eyes he never would have let me get that close while he’s alive
|
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10. |
||||
Think we can watch short circuit in the afterlife?
Or hide a pile of blankets in the leaves
foreshadowing a fall or greater sacrifice
That stuffs it’s mouth with snocaps and hums a tune
This movie won’t reveal it’s title til the ending
Credits scattered throughout just obscures the film
held my breath last night and had a friendly conversation
reminded me I’m not the type of person that’s worth saving
Oh well
Farewell
I know you’re leaving
And I’ll be
Right here
Slouching
For months and seasons
Each one
Meaning something different
Though I cannot
For the life of me
Pronounce the mission
I’ll tune my radio depending on your frequency
-and speak your words to strangers without pleasantries
placed inside the kiln
And paint myself in heated strokes
With winter window film
The mystery is safe within
What will I be if I can just uncork
And redirect?
Or motivate the stiffness to be loosened
Into drying sand
I write to you and though it’s hidden means no disrespect
-this gesture from myself to you beneath the land
I Never wanted summer to end
And all the hot rains smell like crayons
Get the first bird fed
I’m a shoulder that’s been cried on
Eroded until times gone
Now it just feels like it’s time for bed
I vow to dream of you and misinterpret meaning
A congregation with its flock that’s missing limbs
-We’re both dragging ourselves towards nothing
somehow understand it’s only us that’s really him
I try to nourish you/ force a habit down
my hands that don’t know better
Seeking praise or something else
shelves are lined with plates you bought and hid beneath your bed
Along with coins you never spent but saved them all since I was twelve
I scratch while writing all the same songs and paper thin emotions
-forming to a painted mask
I wear the mask when I’m alone and paint the cabinets to look the same they’ve always looked
A looping comfort needed task
Please don't try this at home
they'll see the bloated swollen rotted wood that you've been calling your throne
and all the papers you've saved and your face that needs shaved
and in the morning they can tell you've been dissolving alone
I see the window from the garden like it's 88
spent the summer digging in your heart like it was made from clay
camping in the valley under skies that never darkened gray
a film like trading places but the title screen will just say-
|
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11. |
Mirage
03:39
|
|||
How am I supposed to store you in the common ground?
A scream with words in it
Black chairs speckled roofless hallways zoomed out
Drone footage
Orange through the blue window
You with me?
Doppelgänger dipped in the night
One set of footprints
left heel drags
Pulls the vines out
Picture the silhouette
Well defined
Leave no shadow
To slap across the ground
Just spills the lines out
Only walk when the fog rolls heavy
Only talk through the static
When the call drops
Had a fake id with your name on it
I think I dropped it on the same call
Think we’ll ask this bridge for directions
Think the rain stopped links in the chain
Think the backwards swim works the same with your legs crossed and the sink going down tastes as plain
I hate to say it
Something’s on my mind
I love complaining
But the noise
Ac drones out cicadas
Shells thick in the concrete painted over
Legacy like that huh?
With a constant weight - shouldered
Field all red
Mask worn sacred then it’s tossed
From generation
Time capsule buried
Scraped moss
Where the peet still wet
And no directions for your feet
Seem in step
But greased
Running man hunted man
Hunting man
Cunning man to be christened
Fields of sheep skin
And the wolves undressed
In an aerial view it looks like shadows
To be pressed in a suit
Or torn armor with the breast plate loose
And the chain mail gives away
Secret skin torn paper
Ancient hand made
And I was Locked in step
Marker colored hands been touching walls
Beautiful before the coat of paint destroys it
Dagger to the chest
Failure ain’t the best
But the comforts in the rest
Landing on the moon
With the tv’s turned off
No fields of snow
Just a bear to bare your crest
Zoned out
They’ve been fishing in the shallow end again
Slice the sky upon its vacuous maw
Don’t forget they keep you in your collars
praise the water
Keep on singing like defense keeps on swinging to the fences
And the tension cracks a spine or two
Motor hums blank songs black pitch teeth grit
magician in the smoke lodge prepares another trick
diamonds from his palms to his wrists
And I sit there content
Immobile unflinching unblinking and finally
Bored above all else i feel my stomach upset
it’s in my walk before I leap towards the exit
The tent flaps in the dust
The study of a tiny bit of everything
This never claimed to be brilliant
I mean it’s just a sea shell
For christs sake
The best mirages all involve water anyway
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12. |
(reproach)
01:36
|
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13. |
(astral)
02:28
|
|||
14. |
(denmark)
02:25
|
|||
15. |
(kalim)
02:35
|
|||
16. |
(fusion)
02:43
|
|||
17. |
(machine sounds)
02:12
|
|||
18. |
(solitude)
03:07
|
|||
19. |
(wheth)
02:40
|
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